But Vinton's version, phony and simpering as it is, is at least competent. Compare that to Rossellini's rendition, which she performs twice in a slow-motion whisper that suggests she is actually a female impersonator.

Such is the bizarre nature of Blue Velvet that it not only revives a quarter-century old song, but a bad one as well. Nearly as curious an oldie choice is Roy Orbison's "In Dreams". Orbison was better intentioned than Vinton, and at least was a songwriter with roots in rock'n'roll. But to take the song's most embarrasing lyric, and present it as the ultimate poetry, is artistic license gone wild.

What can be said about such a strange movie? A middle-aged bisexual man who sucks on a mask before beating up people that he's attracted to? A club singer who can't sing, and apparently sings just one song, seduces a man she finds in her closet? She later stands naked in the lawn at length for no apparent reason.

What kind of a movie is this? I'm not suggesting that a film be fully rational, witness Dennis Hopper's own Easy Rider. But if the characters all behave like they belong in a separate universe, how can the review understand, appreciate, or identify with them?

Blue Velvet does have a plot, as well as memorable characters. This makes two improvements over Lynch's immediately prior film, Dune. The problem is the script and direction, both by Lynch. If Blue Velvet is a comedy, it isn't funny. If it is a mystery, the pieces don't fit. And if it is art, it isn't very good. It's too weird to be nothing, but it is nothing if not weird.

Roger Ebert gave Blue Velvet one star out of four. While I admire his courage, and understand his motivation, the movie is not a shambles. In fact, it is above average. It is not exactly compelling, but it is interesting. The story doesn't work, but it at least moves.

The major beneficiary of the film was Dennis Hopper, who revived his career with a Golden Globe Best Supporting Actor nomination. He continued to play over-the-top villains, in films like Speed and Waterworld. David Lynch picked up an Oscar nomination for Best Director, and a Golden Globe nod for Best Screenplay.

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